I love our small group. We have developed a sense of closeness and are gradually getting to a place where our community provides a platform to minister to one another in the Holy Ghost. I love our small group.
This past Thursday night we dove into one of those group topics that if we are honest with ourselves, cannot be covered without it resulting in some deep introspection. We were led (quite effectively by one of group members) through the subject of Forgiveness. Lots of very transparent discussion, however lots of transparency (I would say) held back. I think this is natural really. There are some things that are hard to put into words and there are other things that we know clearly; but are afraid or ashamed to say them outloud ( to God or the group).
This isn't about that topic or group really. It's about what happened after group between my wife and I. See the depth of this topic and its keystone role of the Christians life caused us to continue our discussion and sharing. We shared our thoughts on the subject. We shared our thoughts on the groups dynamics. We shared our thoughts on each others comments. Finally we shared our hearts regarding the feelings and emotions raised by the subject. If you have been married for any length of time (and you are trying) you know that some things, when they come up, must be tended to at that moment. I have had meetings at work rescheduled for any number of reasons (probably a bad habit I know) but not everything that gets done at work really matters, so it gets put on hold. This is not the case with the relationship that my bride and I are building together. We are not Ozzy and Harriet by any means, but not only do we love each other, we are trying to love each other.
Part of this story includes a brief mention of my works requirement that I facilitate a conference call with some US, UK and Dutch colleagues at 2 AM our time the following morning. This discussion that my wife and I had, took time to get past the surface items and to get to the level where the real discussion needed to happen. We hit that point about 11 PM. I have to admit that I did think about that meeting that was rapidly approaching, but as quickly as the thought rose up I had an overriding thought that we needed to talk about this and I needed to listen carefully. So we talked for about another hour and then went to bed with a greater sense of understanding of each other and nothing lingering over or around our relationship.
Here's where its gonna get a little prickly for you the reader. I have been thinking about this for a few days now and am convicted by the level of respect and effort that I put into my relationship with my Heavenly Bridegroom. It was needful, regardless of the time or upcoming circumstances that my wife and I talk and get our hearts out in front of each other. It was more than needful, it was manditory in my mind. Better to run that meeting a little tired than to get another 60 minutes of sleep and leave my lovers hurting heart to beat untended. There would be no rescheduling this discussion. Some things are very timing sensitve and as a husband I need to be ever so sensitive to those things and to seize the moment when it arises.
What about my relationship with the One who loved me first? I have to honestly tell you I have intended to communicate with Him and to share the deep things of my heart, but then something comes up. Important things like; I get tired, or I catch a descent wave while surfing the internet, or I begin doing something else that eats away the time and my urgency to share. This is not even how I should treat a familar aquaintance let alone the One of has given me His name and all the blessings associated with his authority. However, with the best of intentions I tell myself, "tomorrow I will put that time in my planner and it will happen. I will block everything else out and spend some really quality time with the Savior." I think you can guess how the next day plays out. Putting it in the planner does not keep these interruptions and time seductions from coming around that next day. Honestly, the more I say yes to them, the easier it is to let the first things slip further back in the list of priorities. I read this years ago and found it and interesting testimony to our modern age. We often say that we have many priorities, family, friends, work, pleasure, etc. What I read once was that there was no plural form for the word Priority. By nature having more than one meant that you had none. So when someone asks for your list of priorities share with them a list of one item and see what reaction to get. Confused, I would bet.
Where is my sensitivity to the relationship I should have with Jesus? Where is my sense of urgency to be with Him and to stay with Him till he draws out of me the "real" things in my heart? Amazingly, there is a time of urgency in our relationship but its usually when I am in trouble. I wrap my selfishness in a cheap covering I try to call faith. I get down on my knees and quote the right verses as I make my request known to Him. I am certain he hears me. He never sleeps or slumbers so my words find His ears. But they come to him like a request from a person standing at the pharmacy counter and I have written (forged) my own prescription that I am handing Him. And it would be really great if I didn't have to come back for this request. "Could you fill that while I wait here at the counter?" It's hard for me to write these things because of the sharp edge that honesty has. Who honed this self assessment to the edge it now has? I think I know.
The book of James is a no-nonsense letter of instruction to the believers. The Lord inspires him to get out the sharp knife and to peel back the pretensive layers of the reader and to expose the true matter. I am a believer in positive thinking, but ignoring an anti-Christ behavior and saying that "He understands and that His Grace is enough for me" is a complete misunderstanding of not only His Grace but also His understanding of us. I mean really, we can sell ourselves just about anything that makes us feel good, but that line does not, will not work with God. He does understand us and honestly it is because of His grace that we are not consumed!!!
James scalpel exposes the duality of our hearts. With our own tongues we bless God and curse man. We try to send out sweet water and bitter water from the same polluted well. We think we are bearing fruit, but we have no idea of the type or the nature of our fruitfulness or fruitlessness. If we have bitter envyings and strife in our hearts, we had better not try to claim the grace of God to "make it alright between Him and I". Not if I am not trying to do ANYTHING about this personal condition. Grace is not a pass to continue in our self deception but it is the favor of God to help us in our earnest efforts to become more and more like the One who has called us by His name.
Let me say this now. These sharp edged instructions in the Bible are not there to keep us in our place. They are they to let us know that God knows the human desire to find the easy way. To seek the path of least resistance as we walk in this Christian Way. There is so much available to us as a part of the Bride, but it is not just a vending machine Gospel where I can select the gift or the promise that I want at any given moment and pull the knob and down from heaven drops my healing, my financial needs, my desire for family and friends, to come to the knowledge of the Savior. Let me say this now too, you don't have to agree with me on any of this. You can walk the walk that God has called you to and you can hear the instruction of the Holy Spirit as He delivers it to you. But don't kid yourself. The plan of salvation is very specific and I am doubtful that the life that I have "In Christ" would now become a self written success plan for the race I have been called to run.
Remember I said James brought out the sharp knife. If you read just the first few verses of the 4th chapter of James you can feel just how sharp it is. He talks about our lusts, our angers, our selfishness and our double-mindedness in just the first 6 verses of chapter 4. I am coming back to this idea of relationship now. When my wife and I were talking I quickly worked the gain and loss equation in my mind and DECIDED that I would spend whatever time I needed to with her to get things understood between us. Why is it so easy to allow the distractions of life to devalue my time with who should be my hearts desire - Jesus? It doesn't really take a great deal of time to grow distant from someone you once loved when you said, "I do!". Intimacy does not just magically happen and like it or not the "feeling" of love is just that, it's a feeling, and feelings are very transient and are governed too much by circumstance or perception. Love, lasting love and intimacy is a decision to develop this feeling that we start with into a full and complete union between a bride and groom. Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and cognitively. Decide, decide, decide.James instructs us to draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to us. This idea of being "Nigh" to God and He to us, means to be joined together, one thing to another. That is Grace my friends, as I get closer to God He gets closer to me. These are not the same things. When I get close to God I am exposed and revealed and there is so little in me that is anything but shameful and nearly rotten. But when God draws nigh to me, He joins to me Himself and in that all that is His. Amazingly, He is not repulsed by my poor contribution to this union. No! I am called. I am chosen! I am a new creature in Him! He is not ashamed to call me His Friend.
Getting that close to God will have an effect on us. It will change us without question. Like Moses coming down from the mountain that burned with fire and thundered, his appearance was changed just from spending time in Gods presence talking to Him about His law and Moses responsibilities regarding the law. In his presence we will not be able to keep up the pretense. We will not believe any longer the deceptions that have told ourselves about ourselves. We will be humbled! We will be called to mourning for our wickedness! Our laughter or positive mental attitude about our relationship will be turned to tears. Tears meant to empty us and to be an offering to the Lover of our soul. AND THEN, in all that brokenness God will lift us up. This idea of being lifted up is Very God! We will be lifted up and, can you believe it, exalted and brought to the very heights of opulence and prosperity, and we will be given dignity from His Graceful lifting. We will receive from our Bridegroom "more than more".
But these blessings of relationship are a part of intimacy, not part of a package deal that comes from a Sunday morning 15 spent at the altar. Think of the powerful scriptures that describe and instruct us to the kind of relationship He desires to have with us.
- That I may know him
- I live, yet not I but Christ lives in me
- Putting on Christ
- Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith
- This one thing I do, forgetting those things that are behind I press toward,,, the prize,, of the high calling of Jesus
- We are dead to sin and our life is hid in Christ
- If we abide in Him (Jesus) we may ask whatsoever we will and it shall be done
- The Spirit of Truth abides with us and in us
This a tiny list of keys and indicators of the kind of relationship He desires to have with us. The key is to make the development of that relationship a priority that is very difficult to alter or change. Decide before a decision is required that your time with the Master comes before any other pursuits. Allow Him to talk with you so that He can get past our superficial and defensive front and allow Him to truly examine us and begin to change and perfect (complete) us.
Sorry for the length of this one. God Bless you!
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