I'm gonna tell a little story on myself today. There was a time, many years ago now, when I had problem with another member of the body of Christ. It was an important and divisive situation. It was like a sore that never ever quite healed up. It would begin to close and then something would rip it open again and the hurt would start all over again.Now I can only tell you this story from my perspective so please dont form any opinions or biases in my favor, because this time was not easy for anyone involved. Anyway, I would pray and seek God in the Word for grace and wisdom. I followed scriptural instruction and brought unbiased witnesses together with us to try and reconcile the matter but there was no progress. Finally the unresolved nature of the situation began to take down my family and it was at that point that I felt a desperate need to do something to get me adn mine seperated from this "torture". So we left the church. Our intentions were not to leave God, but just to leave the assembly that we were struggling in. There is a way that seems right to a man, and you know the rest of that story.
Skipping over a lot of time, mistakes and further wandering we finally came back to the sanctuary of God and began our healing. For me however I was hindered in my recovery. I was concerned that the behavior that caused us to take our drastic action was still operating and in my mind that could not be left that way. I was torn by my memory and resolve to not let it be so and the fact that I seemed to be only one unable to move on. I prayed earnestly at the alter that God would help me to lay my feelings down there and not pick them back up. But as sure as the sun rises I would find the same thorn buried deep in my heart and spirit not too many days later.
Jonah had some of that going on. He had no love for Nineveh or her citizens and when instructed to go there and preach a message of rescue he turned his back and split. Its not completely clear where his strong feelings came from. These Ninevhites were not a friendly bunch of folk and had a reputation for being brutal and somewhat barbaric. The scripture says that their wickedness had come up before God. Clearly they were not model citizens. Even when Jonah was run down by God and given a second chance to obey he did so under protest. After telling these wicked people that God was going to ruin them in 40 days he went out of town and waited for the show. The problem was that the people, including the king, believed Jonah and fasted and repented and God modified his plans for these people - no destruction.
Heres where it gets back to my story. Jonah was now not only upset with the people of Ninevah but he was also upset with God because he knew that God was merciful and compassionate and that this was what was going to happen. They would be spared. See Jonah felt that some people just needed some killin! God told him that he did not well feeling and acting the way he was. Everytime I went down to the alter and "told" God that I didn't want to carry the anger any more, when I got up it would follow me and climb back onto my back. I was beginning to feel the tiny roots of anger or frustration with God for not taking care of this for me. After-all I was being honest about my request.
Frankly, I was not being honest. Finally one Sunday kneeling at a chair in the alter service I was praying about this angry old burden and asking God to take it when I left it at the alter. What happend was I heard God in my spirit say, "Then leave it here and dont take it back up!" Whoa, me take it up I was looking for some help. I didn't want the thing (thats what I said to God). He responded that "Yes I did want to take it back up. What I wanted wasn't relief or removal of the anger and the burden. What I really wanted was justice to be done. I wanted vengeance to be meted out on the ones that were sowing destructive behaviors in the church still. I wanted to get even". To say that I was stunned and sobered is an understatement. But He was right. I repented of my falsity toward Him and my merciless hearts desires for that other member of the Lords body and said to God that at the end of the day there is just One judge in the earth. There is just One who sits on the Great White Throne of Judgement and it is NOT ME!!!
I was worried that if I didn't hold on to this offense then it would be forgotten and people would not have to give a reckoning for their actions and the pain that they may have caused. I was worried that I owed it to the body to hold on to my prideful judgments. I had been deceived and I was deceiving myself. I was taking on a role so much greater than I could execute it wasn't funny. I was off on my own way again and it was not affecting anyone but me, and those closest to me (whom I wanted to defend).
If you read Psalm 69 and I hope you will, there is a verse, not even a whole verse, nested there that can be a source of comfort to the wounded I think. In verse 19 the Psalmist says that all of his foes are known to God. There is a great catalog of offenses delivered upon this servant of God and he sounds like he is barely able to hold up under their onslaught. He starts the chapter saying that the waters (the struggles and pains) had risen all the way up to his soul. Yet there in the midst of his pain and in his plodding on wearing the Name of his God and his Gods reputation he knew that all these things were not going unnoticed. All of these enemies were known to God. He knew he didn't need to have a vengeful heart because God was aware of the accounting and there are no errors in His books. God would that all would repent and be saved. The old wicked person buried in Baptism rising to walk in newness of life that life breathed back to life by the gift of the Gods on Holy Spirit. All those offenses, the ones committed against you and I, would be nailed to His cross. The invoice of judgement would be marked PAID IN FULL and justice would be served.
We have to know that God is seeing us every day and knows those the bless us and those that curse us. He has promised to keep track and recompense so why hold on to that terrible burden. Let it go and lay it down. God knows exactly who has hurt you and how badly it hurts. Trust him to minister to your wounds and to work to redeem that one who is an enemy to his body and to Him (we are His and He is ours remember).
The Psalmist closes with acknowledgement that God hears our cries and does not despise the prisoners. Does anyone see this?!?! Yes He sees and he is on your side. Let go of your emotional connection to offense and trust the Great Judge to represent your cause.You will bring Him glory when you allow Him to be God in your life!!
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